[00:00:00] Dr. Jessica Singh: Welcome to the Holistic Physician Coaching Podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Jessica Singh. This podcast explores physician health, wellbeing, and fulfillment, embracing all aspects of the human experience. Just as in medicine where a single interaction can transform a life, this podcast is grounded on the belief that each coaching conversation has the power to inspire, heal, and bring about meaningful change.
[00:00:34] Jessica Singh, MD: Dr. Jimmy Henry is a nationally recognized mental wellness leader, executive coach, speaker, and founder of KingdomMD. He also leads initiatives focused on improving health outcomes, reducing stigma, and strengthening community wellbeing among Black men and their families. With a background in medicine, healthcare leadership, and trauma-informed coaching, Dr. Henry [00:01:00] specializes in burnout recovery, resilience, leadership development, and holistic wellness. His work integrates evidence-based health strategies with practical approaches to sustainable performance, purpose, and personal growth. Jimmy, it's such a pleasure to be here with you.
[00:01:17] Dr Jimmy Henry: Jessica, thanks for having me. Good to be here.
[00:01:20] Jessica Singh, MD: Thank you. And so just to begin with a wide open book, what key events in your life led you to where you are right now doing the work that you do?
[00:01:29] Dr Jimmy Henry: Wow. So, well, first of all, obviously my medical training, I worked in healthcare for 15 years. Around 2020, life started to happen, right? They say life, life's... went through some personal struggles. And through it all, ended up transforming my career, really. So I ended up going to health and wellness coaching, physician coaching, and actually just so happens I was able to use my pain, my struggles, and it's transformed into a purpose.
[00:01:57] So now I get to coach physicians who are going through [00:02:00] burnout that I was able to overcome. Actually through my work, I now help them prioritize their wellbeing. I do community work, health and wellness, helping, Black men especially overcome preventable diseases through health screening. Just all in all, I'm able to still help people in a different way. Yeah.
[00:02:22] Jessica Singh, MD: Really, it's such an honor to have you here, especially in the motivation behind this one. I know we're gonna have a very special conversation today about your journey as a father and as a physician. And what inspired this is, on this podcast I have been coaching a resident, an intern actually, an intern who became a mother for the first time while being a doctor for the first time.
[00:02:44] And through speaking with her, I've gotten to speak with other women physicians, which has been so powerful, and not often do we get to hear men share their experience as fathers in medicine, especially men doing the work that you do and the lived [00:03:00] experience that you've had. And so I'm just super excited to learn more about your story today.
[00:03:06] Dr Jimmy Henry: Yeah, absolutely. Glad to share.
[00:03:09] Jessica Singh, MD: At what stage in your physician career did you become a parent for the first time?
[00:03:15] Dr Jimmy Henry: Yeah. So I had just entered fellowship when we had our first child. I'm now divorced, but my wife at the time, we were about 30 perhaps. And so I'm trained in physical medicine and rehabilitation, did my residency at Temple. Then I did my interventional pain fellowship also at Temple. Our oldest was born in September. We were like three months into fellowship, and we had our baby. And the interesting thing is, my fellowship, not only was it but it normally takes four fellows. In that first season they decided to stagger it, so instead of four, we only had two. So I was [00:04:00] one of two fellows carrying the service of four while being a new dad. And that was interesting, just to say the least of it. So a first-time dad, but what a blessing. And it really helped me things differently. I had to really prioritize things. I still did well in fellowship, obviously, and my daughter's now just turned 17 couple days ago, so..
[00:04:26] Jessica Singh, MD: Happy birthday to your daughter.
[00:04:28] Dr Jimmy Henry: Yeah. Absolutely.
[00:04:31] Jessica Singh, MD: How, as you consider your journey as a physician getting through residency, going into that type of fellowship situation where you are caring a lot, how did you feel just personally and professionally about becoming a father before you became one? What was that like for you in preparation?
[00:04:50] Dr Jimmy Henry: I think I wanted to be a father before I wanted to be a doctor, if that makes sense. So, I know I wanted to be a doctor when I was young. High school, college, it kinda came more [00:05:00] reality, but I always knew from being little. I'm the oldest sibling. I always felt like I was fathering my younger brother.
[00:05:07] I had a dad in the house who was a great role model, so I always knew family would be important to me. So I had a very optimistic about being a dad. Actually, I wanted I wanted quite a few kids. I, actually, before I started having kids, I wanted to have six. Don't ask me why. It must have been, like, something I saw, like The Brady Bunch or something.
[00:05:25] I don't know. I wanted to have a lot of kids. So I started having kids. Like, you know what? They're actually a lot of work. Six would be a lot. So, I do have four, but no, I always wanted to have kids, looked forward to being dad. And I just remember the fondest memories of being a dad, those special moments that you can't really get back, especially as a fellow, the long nights. I didn't mention this. I lived about, it was about a 45-minute commute to and from work. So, with that and little sleep, with a baby [00:06:00] who didn't sleep well through the night, it made it interesting. But I think that I'm stronger for it, and those moments are so precious I really felt like even going through fellowship, I made it a point not to use that as excuse not to be present with my child.
[00:06:18] Jessica Singh, MD: And as you look back now, what drove you at that moment, at that time, to always keep that presence with your daughter regardless of your work?
[00:06:31] Dr Jimmy Henry: Her smile perhaps, like, when you see... So I'll say this, I really believe that it can be hard for a dad to get connected to a child, right? We're not carrying the child. But even in pregnancy, I made it a point to talk, touch, what have you, right? And I could feel her energy and life before she came the world. So when she finally got here, I totally embraced her and made it a point to [00:07:00] connect with her. And I think just realizing, I believe that being a dad is a higher calling than being a doctor. Not to compare, but I believe that's part of who I am and what I'm meant to do. So it's always been for me to make sure that I'm a good dad, and that starts from the foundation from when they're born. So, I always made a point to connect. We had a, still have a great, great bond. Some of my favorite things to do as a dad, I changed every diaper that I could, the whole bedtime routine. Bath, book, bed. I did the whole thing as much as I could. I just wanted to make sure that they always knew and know who I am and how much I'm there for them. So it was just always a priority for me.
[00:07:47] Jessica Singh, MD: As you talk about being a father being a higher calling than as a physician, as you reflect back on that stage especially, where do you feel like those two callings aligned and helped shape each [00:08:00] other?
[00:08:00] Dr Jimmy Henry: That's a great question because I feel like it's hard to compartmentalize, though, though doctors, we're really trained to compartmentalize. But I really feel how you show up is how you show up. So I really wanna make sure I show up for my family the same way, if not more than how I show up for patients or clients now. I do think there's things that you can learn from one and apply to the other. I think just being a parent in general teaches you patience. And we live in a microwave world, but the patience of a parent applies to the practice of a physician or now coaching physicians. And I think vice versa, some of the difficulties and complexities you see in healthcare can help you be kinda the unwavering, the stabilizing force that your family may need in time of crisis.
[00:08:53] I mean, They fall at the playground, they scrape their knee, they run to dad, dad's a doctor, so I think just those [00:09:00] things kinda play off of one another for sure.
[00:09:03] Jessica Singh, MD: Absolutely. So one thing I personally remember just from physician training is when I saw other female physicians pregnant, it's challenging. You try to stack your shifts as much as possible to get as much time off for maternity leave.
[00:09:17] Dr Jimmy Henry: Yeah.
[00:09:17] Jessica Singh, MD: How was it for you during paternity leave? Like, were you able to take much time during your fellowship, and how have you seen other colleagues, male father colleagues with this?
[00:09:30] Dr Jimmy Henry: Yeah. So at that time, like I said, there were only two of us fellows carrying towards the four, I probably didn't use all my paternity leave that I was entitled to because I didn't wanna leave my fellow hanging. But with that said, I'm sure I made up for it in other places. I don't feel like I missed anything with my child. You don't hear a lot of dad doctors taking long paternity leave, and I think we probably should work on normalizing [00:10:00] that a bit. I don't even know what current policies look like for doctors who are dads.
[00:10:06] So... I'm gonna add this, though. When I was training as an intern, I remember female colleagues, like you said, some of them were working up until, like literally the day of delivery, rounding surgeries and so, much credit I would give mom doctors, moms-to-be who are doctors 'cause it's not easy, waddling through the hospital, expecting. But in that same way, I think dads who are in that position may get overlooked a little bit. And not to kinda change the tone of the conversation, but now I work with... I just had a physician client who just had-- who just lost, it was a mis-mis-miscarry, right? And so, in those moments, I feel like of course you wanna [00:11:00] comfort the mother, of course. But the reality is they're both losing the same gift. And I feel like men in that space, not enough room is held for them to express and feel those emotions. So I think just, on both sides of it and from my perspective as a man, creating space and being curious about how men are doing when they're expecting, when they're parenting, if there's any loss or grief involved, just asking those questions and giving them space for that.
[00:11:30] Jessica Singh, MD: Yeah, those are questions it's so hard to find like evidence-based data to because especially in medical culture where it's always the patient first, for women it's so hard just to even sometimes get the time off because then as you mentioned, like your fellow colleagues have to carry that workload.
[00:11:46] And then so for men it's the same, and I'm curious as to just based on your own lived experience, what other challenges do you feel like maybe residents or fellows, if not attending physicians may carry when they [00:12:00] transition into fatherhood, either being a first time fatherhood or multiple children that maybe goes unseen just how medical culture is?
[00:12:09] Dr Jimmy Henry: So, the reality is sometimes you're gonna miss certain things. You may, depending on what specialty you're in, you're on call, you have a shift that you can't exchange. Your child may have a illness, And may have to weigh well. If you're a transplant surgeon and your
[00:12:28] child
[00:12:28] has a illness, you have some decisions to make, right? So that's where kinda support systems come into place, right? So your spouse, partner, at home, and then your colleagues at work kinda wrap their arms around you and kinda help you through that. I just had another client who was dealing with a loss in his family, not with his child. But it was really like, prioritizing do I take time off to go grieve and go to the memorial services and things of that [00:13:00] sort, worry about what the service is gonna look like, and think we really, in my opinion, need to kinda get more into the space of putting family first, I think, as it should be. I know that sometimes our identity totally gets wrapped up in being a physician, but we were all people before we were physicians. I think that doctoring is something that we do, it's not really who we are alone, and that can be hard to detach your identity from medicine.
[00:13:31] So, as we discussed, I've had some lived experiences with moral injury and burnout in medicine that would force me to reexamine how I viewed myself within my career then being forced to examine that and detach myself from doctoring from and getting back to who I was at my core. It's always been to help people, right? So, just kinda navigating what that looks like now while still making sure I'm the [00:14:00] best dad possible to my children. So being a dad it's funny because, most doctors we do okay. Yes, we have, loans to pay back and liability and... but, we're doing okay. we can't take those assets and things with us, and really, they don't mean much to our children. They like to have nice things, but the reality is they value our presence more than any possession that you could, give them. Because they do remember, the one time, the one game, I couldn't make it to, that is heartbreaking, but again, you kinda do the best that you can, but understand in this there are some sacrifices. I think our job is to minimize the sacrifices so that it's not doesn't negatively affect children that we're trying to raise them to be great people.
[00:14:54] Jessica Singh, MD: It sounds like defining success as a father was key for you, and that a lot of that [00:15:00] was success was being present.
[00:15:03] Dr Jimmy Henry: The success is one day I'm not gonna be here, so how are my children gonna reflect upon me? Like, what are they gonna remember from me? Like, are they gonna remember me as a dad who was seldom there because I had to work, and the reality is, treating our patients is great, but most patients can't remember your name after the service that you provide for them, right?
[00:15:25] But it's your children, that's your legacy. That's what we have to prioritize. And what we pour into them affect their children, right? So the stories that they're gonna tell their children about us. What if they have no stories to tell? what if they don't get to experience you in the park with them or on that family vacation? What if they don't get to experience you sharing with them your own childhood, right? Some physicians' children don't know who you were before we were their parent, had the time, the opportunity to share those stories. So, I think it's [00:16:00] invaluable to the point of, it helps connect the dots for them, like who they are, how they got here, why they may be the way that they are. And there's the lessons, the things to do, the things not to do. And even all that we tell them by words, they're really observing our actions, our behaviors. They're gonna model our presence in their parenting, and that's really the most important thing.
[00:16:24] Jessica Singh, MD: As you were going through that stage right before you were a father and then your journey as a father all these years, where did you find support inside and outside of the hospital?
[00:16:37] Dr Jimmy Henry: Yeah. So first of all I have great parents. So I grew up in a two-parent household. They're great parents to me. They've been better grandparents to my children, so that's, that's first and foremost. And then building a support system, necessarily for my children, but for me so that I'm okay to handle my children.
[00:16:57] And I think for men it can be hard sometimes to [00:17:00] build a community. We sometimes operate in isolation, I feel like more than women do. And whether it's guys at the gym. You know, for me it's my college friends really was my main circle of friends, kinda carried me through my training. And along the way, you kinda build some more friendships as well. But the people who know me at my core really are from back in the day. And maintaining those connections and making sure that we check up on one another. That support really helps me. And now it's funny, as the older my kids get, this may sound weird, but they're kinda my built-in support system.
[00:17:36] So now my kids check on me the way that I check on them. And my two older kids, they're seventeen and fifteen now, we're kinda having these different conversations, about life. And sometimes they're teaching me things, so I think as a parent, being open-minded to receive teaching from your kids, I think that that's perfectly fine. I think, I [00:18:00] think it shows that you've taught them something and you're never too old to learn something new so..
[00:18:07] Jessica Singh, MD: As you think about the support you shared, such a beautiful upbringing and background with your family. For those who may be going through physician training right now or early in their careers, what supports, again, either inside or outside of medicine, do you think may be there for physician dads are worth exploring if there are?
[00:18:30] Dr Jimmy Henry: Right. So support for physician dads. My goodness! So I don't know what different institutions have available for dads specifically. I think may be on the dad to kinda get curious and find out what may be available to them. I know in the community in general, there are lots of dads groups. There are lots of men's groups. I have a men's ministry at church that I help run. I have a men's group in the community that I help run. But sometimes the [00:19:00] onus is on the father or the father-to-be to kinda seek those out. Sometimes I'll say this, especially as a new dad, I made sure that I was going to every appointment with my wife at the time.
[00:19:13] So, knowing what's going on and following the process kinda being side by side, it really shows that your presence starts before the baby gets here. And then it may open you up to resources that may kinda come your way, whether it's talking to the OBGYN who is taking care of your partner or there may be programs at the hospital for new parents. It may also be sitting down with other men in your circle. And unfortunately, I don't think we do a good enough job of that as men, now that I think about it, kinda sitting each other down about what parenting looks like. I feel like we give each other more advice on dating and marrying versus parenting. But there's [00:20:00] no for it. There's no right or wrong way. But I think there is some wisdom that we can get before we come into these situations. But my advice really is to seek out the support and try to seek it out before you believe that you'll need it. So try to build that support community before actually need it, if possible.
[00:20:21] Jessica Singh, MD: The beauty of that kind of wisdom that you just shared is that it's applicable, it's universal. Doesn't matter where you are in life, it's great.
[00:20:29] Dr Jimmy Henry: If you can follow it, right? But I think sometimes there's a certain level of fear amongst men, you know, feeling like we have to kinda have it all together and figure it out. But to realize no one has figured out parenting all the way yet, and I think the more curious you get, the more intentional you become about establishing what you want your fathering to look like, that you can kinda build it out for yourself. I think, for me, I [00:21:00] always parent from the space of as I kinda mentioned, how do I wanna be remembered by my children? But also, how the values that I want them to have and the life that they're gonna live. So, obviously being caring, considerate, loving. I do want them to be ambitious, but I don't want them, like you said before, don't want success to be defined by your career or possessions, right? For it to be defined by the relationships that you're building, be a good person in those relationships. To me that would be success, like, for my children, to see them to be just wonderful, whole people. And I'm not a helicopter parent but as much we wanna protect them from the danger of the world, I think if we're close enough to allow them to experience certain things with some safety then we can intervene when needed or when asked.
[00:21:53] Jessica Singh, MD: Again, thank you so much for taking the time to share, reflect your journey, to ask these questions that we don't usually [00:22:00] get to have these conversations. What would your takeaway be for our listeners for this?
[00:22:06] Dr Jimmy Henry: I think any listener, try to make sure you're prioritizing your parenting over your position or your doctrine, right? As great as it would be a physician or a physician leader or whatever your career path is, I think there's no greater gift, there's no greater joy than being a parent. And I would encourage you to kinda keep that first and foremost. The second thing is, for all the men out there seek help when you need it. Make sure that your presence to your children is the most important. It really is the most important thing. I forgot to mention this, but going through divorce, I'm actually a primary custodian for my children. There are lots of men who go through divorce, and that's not the case for them. In part because they were prioritizing their career in the relationship over their parenting to be providers, right? And then [00:23:00] that kinda gets used against you when it comes time for custody conversations. So this is the kinda dilemma men have to face. I wanna be a provider, but I also wanna be a parent. I'm encouraging you to prioritize being a parent.
[00:23:15] Jessica Singh, MD: Thank you for so candidly sharing. The thing that strikes me always with speaking with you, Dr. Henry, is the power in that wisdom and the universality of it and how we are our own best advocate, and it's just defining what's most important to us.
[00:23:33] Dr Jimmy Henry: Absolutely. Absolutely.
[00:23:35] Jessica Singh, MD: Thank you so much for your time.
[00:23:37] Dr Jimmy Henry: Thank you for having me. Great to talk to you as always. Hope we can do it again sometime.
[00:23:42] Jessica Singh, MD: Thank you.
[00:23:43] Dr. Jessica Singh: Thank you for listening to the Holistic Physician Coaching Podcast. This podcast is dedicated to making coaching more accessible and to support both physicians and those who coach them. Subscribe to access exclusive subscriber-only [00:24:00] episodes, including physician coaching sessions, coaching debriefs, and coach mentoring sessions that offer valuable insights for professional development for coaches.
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